As I sit down to write this post I have butterflies, I don't really know why because I am THE most open person in the whole world. I always say I am an open book, honestly I will tell anybody my life story. I have even talked about this particular topic many times with many people, but for some reason writing it out makes me nervous and vulnerable. Blakely is at the age where it has become out of the norm that we don't have another child so questions start to get asked. I am fine to let people know where we are at, but it doesn't change the fact that time is passing and we are without another baby in our lives. I know people have a lot harder fights then we have when it comes to having children, but this is my blog and my story and I am not comparing to anyone else's circumstances, just journaling our lives and this is our life. After trying for a year to get pregnant we were so excited to find out we were expecting and would be having a baby in early June of 2013. Blakely was especially excited and was convinced it was a baby sister, I was positive it was a boy. I was sick, but not near the death experience I had while pregnant with Blakely and we were getting very excited for another Nelson. On Thanksgiving day 11 weeks pregnant I lost the baby in a very painful both emotionally and physically miscarriage. I was lucky to be surrounded by all my family since it was over the holiday. Since I was quite far along to have a miscarriage it was quite the ordeal. I healed physically and then began to heal emotionally. I found the more I talked about it the more I healed. I was/am hopeful that I will be pregnant again at some point, but starting all over again on this journey after trying for a year and then being pregnant for 3 months feels daunting. Here we are another 4 months later still on the journey.... I know our time will come and I have faith that we will someday add to our family, but I have come to truly know it is definitely not on my timing. Heavenly Father has a plan for us and sometimes that plan is hard to trust in. My babies may be 4,5 or more years apart but I will cherish and love them along the journey because they are mine!
8 comments:
Love that picture of you and Blakely!
This post makes my heart ache for you. I'm sorry again that you're going through this. Sending positive vibes your way. I can't wait to hear your good news someday...hopefully sooner than later!
And please don't apologize for your struggle saying others have it worse! I read a quote awhile ago that said apologizing for our pain because someone has it harder is like apologizing for our happiness because someone else is happier! You're right, this is your journey!
Hey Em. I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you. I'm so sorry. I had no idea you'd been through that.
I know when you're in Utah especially where everyone's running around with kids 2 years apart that can be so difficult. I'm 4 1/2 years a part from both Brett and Ash and we have great relationships. Here in NYC I have so many friends with bigger gaps than that, and their families are adorable. I know things will work out. That Blakely couldn't be cuter!
P.s. On a different note....Your trip looked amazing!
This is Kira. I think I've commented on your blog before, but I couldn't remember for sure. Anyway,
I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. That would be hard to start over again after all you have been through. Hang in there. I know what it is like to see unwanted negative pregnancy tests over and over again. It's exhausting to say the least. I'll keep you in my prayers.
Love the picture of you and your adorable B!
Emily you are amazing! And so strong! Your attitude an outlooks is inspiring! I wish i could give you a hug in person!
My friend here just had a misscarriage last week, she was telling me about this book that she claims is amazing! I thought i would just share with you. Its called "Taking charge or your fertility", i haven't read it, but this is from a friend i trust and she says that she knows many women who it has helped. She says it is empowering for any women of childbearing years to read, no matter your circumstance.
Well i love you and think of you often! Take care!
I love you so much it hurts me that you hurt. You know you always have me to laugh or cry with! Love you!!!!!
Emily, I wish I could give you a hug right now. I'm so impressed with what a positive person you are, even with something that is so difficult. Life would be so much easier if we could just have a crystal ball and know how things are going to work out, you know? I guess we just have to trust that no matter how they work out they WILL work out and that there is a Master Planner that is making it work. Know that thoughts and prayers are coming your way from me :)
P.S. Blakely is such a doll.
You're back! Haha! I fear blogging is a bandwagon I have forever fallen off of.....
Lots of love your way. It's hard to wait for things that you feel and know are righteous desires that you want so badly for the now. I know :) C and this new one will be 3 and a half apart, which in mormon standards I swear is a long time. But whenever I talk to older (and more experienced!) moms they often tell me the children that had a little bit bigger breaks in between they enjoyed that more. Happened just this morning actually :) Good thing in the meantime little B is such a doll!
Please post more often!
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